Relationships

At the Grocery Store

The clouds covered the gloomy sky as tiny drops of rain tumbled to the ground.  He sits in the green heater-less car, and watched his deceitful girlfriend and a mysterious man come out of a hotel room, 204A.  His eyes focus in as he noticed small drops of sweat trickle down her face.  Then his eyes locked on the mysterious man’s smirk, as if he accomplished a mission.

Eighty-five percent of romantic relationships end up in breakups and he was about to be one of the statistics.

Nate Stoney, 61, said, “I don’t trust a woman as far as I can see her.”  He had received a phone call from his girlfriend’s daughter, to giving him a heads up about her mother’s secret lover, and where they were meeting.  At sunset, he drives up to the hotel and sits in the cold car about 10 minutes.  He spots his girlfriend and the other man coming out of the hotel.  Stoney immediately calls her, and she answers.  

He tells her that he is coming over to see her.  She shushes her secret lover and tells Stoney that she has gone to the grocery store to buy food for her daughter and herself.  After she finishes the call, he watches her and her secret lover tongue kiss.  That moment, he felt the agonizing pain of heartbrokenness as his heart pummeled a hole through his chest.

His girlfriend arrived home and took a shower to freshen up after her deceitful meeting.  Then she called Stoney as if nothing happened.  Then she invited him to come over to the house for dinner.  Knowing what she has done behind his back, he declines the offer.  

One Saturday, he heads to the car wash which is behind the hotel where he seen his girlfriend with her lover.  He washes his car and then looks up at the back of the hotel.  There is his girlfriend with the same man from a few nights back.  She turns around and spots him as well.  The couple makes eye contact.  At the same time, the mysterious man, nervously leaves.  

The woman accuses Stoney of spying on her.  He laughs.  The girlfriend tries to fight him and the police were called.  Stoney has no words for her.  As that dreadful day ended, his girlfriend tries to patch things up.  It does her no good.  “It was easier for me to break up with her in person,” Stoney remembers.  However, he had a few casual conversations with face to face to end their relationship.  He gradually stopped responding to her phone calls and text messages.  “I was relieved that the drama was finally over,” he replied.

Breakups are difficult and can be worse if, for example, a partner is abusive.  Ninety-four percent of females from 16 to 19 have experience an intimate partner, it’s 70 percent of those who are age 20 – 24 according to lovisrespect.org.  More than half of these breakups relationships end through text messaging, social media and over the phone out of fear of being abused again.

 

Tossing the Keys

Andrea Douglas, 24, and U.S. military retired, stares at the ceiling in disbelief but with a faint smile as she remembers the domestic abuse she experienced; it put her in the hospital.  Now Douglas has built up enough courage to meet up with her abusive boyfriend alone at a bar to discussed serious matters.  

A year ago, Douglas met the man of her dreams at Dollar General where she worked.  He would come to see her daily at the store, and after a few dates, they fell in love. “Everything was great at first. We were making love, and everything was lovey-dovey,” Douglas says.

The fun was short-lived.  After three months, the man of her dreams transformed into a control freak.  Douglas remembers slowly opening her eyes after being slammed against the wall because she did not obey her boyfriend’s orders. “He started doing things that sparked red flags.  He began to stalk me, popping up in places where he knew I would be. He said he would search the whole city to find me,” she recalls.  

As the months passed, her boyfriend’s behavior grew worst.  He grabbed her so hard that he left bruises on her arms, and the bruises were result of throwing keys at her chest.    

While the beating continued to escalate she started to notice how her boyfriend got pleasure from her pain. “He got pleasure from beating me,” she recalls.  The frightened woman, reached her breaking point when her boyfriend punched her in the face and blamed her for his actions.  

Out of fear, Douglas tried to break up with her boyfriend through a text message.  “I broke up with him through text message because I was scared,” she recalled

People breakup using digital resources out fear, immaturity or self-preservation experts say.  Women are more likely than men to say they have broken up with someone through social media or text message.  Work by the Pew Research Center shows that 10 percent of women have done so, compared with 2 percent of men.   

 

Morning Text

Justin Nelson, 33 woke up one morning and read a text message from his girlfriend.  As he’s reading the text his heart plummets to the ground.  Anger, frustration, and depression consume him as he sits in the dimly lighted room with his head down.  

Nelson was introduced to a woman through a mutual friend.  She was gorgeous and lovely in his eyes.  He was excited in getting to know her and hoped to make her his girlfriend.  However, in the back of his mind, he wondered whether his disability would be an obstacle.  When he was a baby, he was diagnosed with cerebral palsy.  

Cerebral palsy is due to abnormal brain development which causes exaggerated reflexes, limp or inflexible limbs, and involuntary motions.  After a couple of surgeries, he ended up bound to a wheelchair.

The woman and Nelson committed into a romantic relationship.  The woman was nine years younger than he but was willing to try something different. “I like how she made me feel like a man,” Nelson said.  They spent so much time together while he showered her with gifts.  As their relationship continued, their love life was spicy until it took a left turn. “We were always fighting and arguing,” he recalled.   

Their romantic relationship turned into a wavy current.  Her family members criticize her relationship because he was in a wheelchair and felt he was unfit for her.  “My disability made her family look down at me,” he says.  Nelson noticed she would come around less and make excuses why she could not spend time with him.  After two months passed he had not seen his love but only talked to her by phone. Justin continued to pray over the situation and hoped things would be restored.  

While he was on vacation with his brother, he received a text message from a close friend who grew up with his girlfriend.  The text message said, “Congratulations, I hear you are going to be a father.”  Nelson’s heart dropped, and he immediately called his girlfriend.  “I asked her if she is pregnant and of course, she lied and said no,” he said.  The lies continued for a week.

One morning, he woke up to a text message from his girlfriend.  The text message said, “Maybe it is time for you to move on with your life.  I went to the doctor, and found out that I was six weeks pregnant and the baby is not yours.”  The heart-breaking message left him in tears.  “She broke up with me through a text message.  She could have given me the respect and told me face to face,” Nelson said.  

Experts purposed that men and women agreed that social media allows people to offer support when romantic relationships end.  While a relationship exists, a digital trail of memories of photos and messages are scattered across multiple social media platforms.  These digital platforms can offer a way for exes to potentially make unwanted contact or a reminder of a connection that no longer exist.   

 

Best Friends Gone Wrong

As the clock arms landed on 3:30 in the afternoon and the red bell rang.  Hundreds of high school students head through the blue double doors and into the courtyard where the buses are parked.  This girl and boy were best friends, and they always hung outside of the courtyard as they waited for their school bus to pull up.  Daily the two would laugh at each other’s jokes, have lunch together and spend time after school.  Eventually, they decided to engaged in a romantic relationship.  

Chyna Randolph, now 21, sociology major in college recalls when her old lover made plans on wanting to become successful after high school. “He was one of those guys who could talk his way into anything,” she recalled.  At first, Randolph thought he was going to be successful but quickly realized he was a complete failure.  

He was in and out of jobs, dropped out of college while basically showing her he was completely inadequate.  

 “I felt like he could benefit from me, but he could not offer anything back,” she remembered.  The tension between she and her boyfriend grew.

One weekend after returning home from college she decided to spend time with her family instead of with her boyfriend. While he was on Snapchat it was not long until he found out that Randolph was home. Angry after not being told that she had arrived home Randolph’s boyfriend could not understand why she would not tell him that she was.

“I understood why he was mad but we lived in different cities and he didn’t have a car which was strike one,” she said.  

She told him that strike two was not having a job and strike three was aggravating her with nonsense.  She was fed up with him because he was not doing anything with his life but had much idle time to start petty arguments daily.  A week passed, and he continued to argue about the same situation.  Randolph urged him to stop picking fights.

“He would accuse me of cheating because I didn’t want to drive and see him every weekend,” she remembered.  She was aggravated with the relationship. After having enough of all the nonsense Randolph decided to break up with her boyfriend over Facebook.    

Afterward, she blocked his number and unfriended him on social media.  “I used Facebook first because he annoyed me and I didn’t care about his feelings anymore.  Now that I think about it, I should have given him the respect and broke up with him face to face because we were friends,” Randolph said.   

Candance Cruz, Master  in Human Service , says, “I think morals plays a prominent role and someone values determine how they will break up with someone.”  There is no right or wrong way to break up with someone.  It just depends on the situation.

 

(1) comment

keithbusting

Hearts are not like a pair of socks where one size fits all. Another thing which proves to be detrimental is trying to model one's relationship like those depicted on soap operas and reality shows. The end result is frustration ( i.e. why my romance not working out like Bud and Sally Joe's on television) The biggest challenge of this century and the next ( provided that men in power don't start acting up and reach for the nuclear missile button first) are relationships. Dating has become a lost art. Nobody goes steady anymore(one love and one love only) The elders had it together back in the day. At least it seems that way to me. If I had to do it over, I'd be bothering them on how they maintained their relationships. Unfortunately they passed away before I could get the chance.

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