It was just a regular day watching TV at my best friend’s house and MTV was playing reruns of True Life. The episode followed two financial dominatrices, also known as “findoms.”
After watching, I decided to try my luck. After extensive research, I signed up for an account on Twitter specifically for my findom adventure and registered on a website called HePays.com. By the end of my two-week personal experiment, I had a full bank account and a new perspective on the power of submission.
Financial domination is a subcategory of BDSM that involves the submissive giving up full or partial control of their finances to a dominant. Every dom and sub relationship is different, but that is the basis of financial domination. Generally, a woman is the dominant and a man is the submissive, but as with everything there are variations, such as male doms and female subs, two males and two females, and sometimes couples.
Subs are required to send a tribute before approaching a dom and establishing a relationship. A tribute is a way of showing respect and proving that they actually have money to give. Subs are also required to refer to their dominants by terms such as “queen,” “goddess,” “master,” “king,” etc. The subs are referred to as “pay pigs,” “human ATMs,” “cash slaves,” etc.
Some doms make their submissive sign contracts entailing how much control they have over their finances, for how long, and pledging loyalty only to them. In the findom community, these are referred to as “owned” subs. They aren’t allowed to serve or give money to anyone else and it’s looked down upon if other findoms approach them.
Some doms even have “live-in” slaves where they literally take their wallets, keep them in basements and cages, and treat them like animals. Other doms make subs do household chores or run errands, and some have strictly online relationships. No matter what level or type of relationship they have, all subs live to serve their doms and live in devotion to them.
Relationships vary based on the preferences of the players. Some subs like to give the money for nothing in return but the feeling of enjoyment and submission, while others like to be blackmailed, humiliated, and even drained to the point of bankruptcy.
I started my journey in February with a message from a man who knew me in high school. He explained he had a crush on me for years, and he wanted to worship me and give me money during a “cash meet.” A cash meet is when you meet with a sub and they hand you cash or gifts- usually on their knees- and you go about your business. Most of the time, subs reach out to the doms but sometimes it’s the other way around.
This was my first cash meet, so I was nervous because I didn’t know what to expect, besides what I had seen on YouTube videos and the True Life episode. It made me feel better because it was someone I kind of knew, even though we never talked in high school. I required him to send a deposit- which is basically insurance in case he didn’t show up- so I wouldn’t completely waste my time. He sent $300, then my girlfriend and I drove to meet him at a mall in Macon. Since we were meeting at a mall, after the cash meet I demanded that he take my girlfriend and I on a shopping spree.
When we arrived he was standing on the sidewalk alone looking nervous. I gave my girlfriend the camera to record and I approached him and told him to get on his knees, kiss my heels, and hand me the cash. Of course, he did as told and handed me $300 in cash. Afterwards, I told him to rise and he followed us diligently from store to store, holding our bags and only approaching when told to pay at the register. When we were finished, he got back on his knees, kissed my feet again, handed me more cash and we went on our way.
I got such a rush of adrenaline the whole time; I couldn’t believe a guy I never talked to in high school just spent over $1,000 on me for the chance to take me shopping, hand me money, and kiss my feet.
Findom has a psychological basis behind it. Some men who enjoy to be dominated financially are in positions of power or dominance in their daily lives. Being a sub gives them a feeling of relief to be able to be to give someone else power and control over them for a change. Additionally, there is the whole concept of female supremacy that women are meant to be in control at all times because men are beneath them and the weaker gender.
Mark D. Griffiths is a psychologist who focuses in the field of behavioral addictions such as gambling disorder, gaming addiction, internet addiction, sex addiction, and work addiction. “The Internet can facilitate sexual addictions among predisposed individuals (as I argued in a 2001 issue of the Journal of Sex Research) and bring together individuals with niche sexual paraphilias,” he said in an email interview. Griffiths referred to research by Jess O’Reilly, a sexologist and relationship expert.
Dr. Jess wrote in her book, “The New Sex Bible” about domination, “Sometimes those who are charged with a great deal of control at work, at home or in their community may see this as an exciting way to relinquish control of one area of their lives. Or it could be the thrill of humiliation and ridicule. Just as some people associate praise and adoration with sexual arousal, others have an erotic script that is dominated by emotions that are traditionally viewed as negative. Being humiliated can be a turn-on, as it forces you to be vulnerable…A sexual fetish need not entail sexual activity in the traditional sense. Sex gives us a high or a pleasure rush and so too can financial domination/submission.”
Recently, I’ve noticed the world of findom expanding and becoming more mainstream. More people are talking about it on social media, there are more YouTube videos, and people are writing more articles about it. There are even articles discussing financial domination in publications like the Washington Post and Rolling Stone. There are people out here who make a living off of this and have even become millionaires.
I have some personal tips on staying safe during a cash meet; never go alone, always meet in a crowded well lit, public area, and always require a deposit beforehand. Meeting people online can always have the potential to be dangerous, especially as women. If you ever feel unsafe about going to a cash meet don’t go.
Some doms only interact with subs online and have draining sessions or what they call “wallet rape”. Good places to arrange cash meets are malls, airports, Wal-Marts, or any kind of store similar to that. Additionally, never give out any personal information and set up an email or account specifically for financial domination if it’s something you’re seriously interested in.
Overall, it was interesting to see the dynamics and inner workings of the findom community from the inside instead of just reading about it. For the short time I did try it, I made a good amount of money and even a couple findom friends. For anyone interested in it I would just advise to do your research and be careful. There’s no rules to being a findom, just be respectful, be patient, and be yourself.